God and Son

Poking the bloated corpse of religion with a pointy stick to hear it fart.

Titanic TARDIS Trouble

on August 25, 2012

Gopher wood… A miracle of wood!

Yup, this wood (only ever mentioned in the Bible directly – Genesis 6-14) must have had magic powers…

You see, the RMS Titanic was almost 4 times taller than Noah’s Ark, almost 1.25 times wider than the Ark, made of structural steel AND THEN it was only just big enough to carry enough food & water to last 3,500 people long enough to make a 2 week journey.

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Gopher wood bestowed TARDIS like powers over the much smaller & weaker Ark, allowing stowage for enough food and water to last over 31,000 warm blooded creatures, AND 2,012,000 cold blooded creatures for 52 weeks… Equally amazing, this gopher wood had properties that stopped the food rotting.

It’s such a shame this wood stopped existing after Genesis… It would have really helped the sailors of galleons and merchant ships in the great days of sailing ships! No more salted and dried meat, rotten fruit and mouldy bread!

Put it this way, the Titanic, for a 2 week voyage, carried for supplies: 75,000lb meat, 11,000lb fish, 40,000 eggs, 40 tonnes of potatoes, 3,500lb of onions, 36,000 apples, 1,000 loaves of bread, and each DAY it required 14,000 gallons of drinking water.

The other amazing thing bestowed by gopher wood is the remarkable way it absorbed all the bodily waste produced by all that lived aboard… After all, only the humans would have had the brains to crap overboard… and then they’d have to clean up after all of those creatures… All 2 million plus…. That’s a lot of crap…

… I mean the whole Ark story, and also the amount of faeces…

Thanks to Pat Evans for pointing out a typo where I totally forgot the mammals… Oops!

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3 responses to “Titanic TARDIS Trouble

  1. Ron Tennant says:

    Think about it. They ate the dinosaurs, unicorns, etc.

    • LB says:

      Yes, but how big did the Ark(rap) have to be to carry enough Diplodocus to feed them all?

      • Ron Tennant says:

        No no they used a lasoo or fished for dinosaur as they snorkeled along side. Hardly worth a mention in the story . So hardly worth arguing. As for drinking water du, it was chucking it down. Stop thinking so hard.

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