God and Son

Poking the bloated corpse of religion with a pointy stick to hear it fart.

Jesus, Muhammad & the Beer & Bacon Festival

20130426-200711.jpg

Yup… Muhammad (the self proclaimed prophet) was married many, many times… Making even Henry the Eighth look like a virginal choirboy… One of Mo’s wives was 9 year old Aisha… WAIT… It’s not that bad… They HAD known each other for a while and WAITED until she was 9 to consummate the marriage…

———————————————————-

Take the God and Son poll

GOD & SON
on
FACEBOOK & TWITTER

Facebook twitter-logo-follow

Leave a comment »

Pants for higher

I thought it looked stupid before Bieber started doing it… But now I have to laugh at all the ‘cool’ street kids trying to look tough… because now they just look like they have girly love crushes on Bieber…. SQUEAL!!! JUSTIN!!! I WANT TO BE YOU!!! MARRY ME!!! SQUEAL!!!

20130424-200618.jpg

Apparently it’s cool to look like you can’t get dressed without your mother’s help, wearing trousers/pants half way around your knees so people can see straight through between the top of your belt loop & the bottom of your frank & beans… Must be a real chick magnet…

Well, if you think it’s cool to dress like an American prison inmate who wants ass sex then go ahead… It’s very enlightened of you… Unless… UNLESS you were trying to imitate that factory built ‘pop singer’ acne factory Justin Bieber, with his pasty white ass hanging out of his ‘rape pants’.

Yeah… Those are two things that I ALWAYS look for when I think of fashion…

20130424-202444.jpg
Yeah… I want to be like the Bieber… as much as I want my anus to be a prison toy.

Note: ‘Sagging’ originated in prisons because inmates were not allowed belts, but quickly became adopted by the gay subculture to show that a person was available for some man on man sex. Whether the subculture adopted this from the memes & emails that jokingly said this was a gay thing, or that it was a gay thing in the first place & then became a meme & viral email is still in question. Either way, it lost any cool status it may of had once Bieber did it…

———————————————————-

GOD & SON
on
FACEBOOK & TWITTER

Facebook twitter-logo-follow

.

2 Comments »

Full of Milky Godness

How could they even believe this was right?!?!?

Oh yeah… They were already fooled by the Bible, so it’s not that surprising really…

20130308-182401.jpg

Priest shoots semen into parishioners mouths to help bring forth the Holy Spirit!!

READ ALL ABOUT IT…

…an Evangelical Pastor managed to abuse victims after convincing them that his penis contains HOLY MILK.

The criminal: Valdeci Sobreni Picano of Brazil.

Valdeci Sobrino Picanto is a Brazilian Evangelical Pastor. He has been arrested after deceiving the faithful using the name of the “Holy Spirit”, by using these foolish lies. This criminal pastor claimed that the Holy Spirit would secrete from his penis in the form of “sacred milk”. This pastor said that his penis was blessed and that “the Lord had consecrated him with divine milk of the Holy Spirit” and, of course, he had to release it in order to “evangelise”.

“He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through our mouth and that’s why he would do what he did”. Often, after worship, pastor Valdeci would take us to the where the funds were kept at the back of the Church and asked us to have Oral sex with him until the Holy Spirit would come through ejaculation”…

———————————————————-

GOD & SON
on
FACEBOOK & TWITTER

Facebook twitter-logo-follow

3 Comments »

Scotland Burns as the Vatican Fiddles

20130304-211448.jpg

Cardinal O’Brien embarrasses the Catholic Church by allegedly sexually abusing adults.

A break from tradition and a sigh of relief from the choir.

———————————————————-

GOD & SON
on
FACEBOOK & TWITTER

Facebook twitter-logo-follow

Leave a comment »

Aftermath

Back for more?

20130220-225119.jpg

———————————————————-

GOD & SON
on
FACEBOOK & TWITTER

Facebook twitter-logo-follow

Leave a comment »

God and Son try the ‘Aristocrats’ Joke

The Aristocrats joke… It’s not so much the joke, but the journey…

Before it starts… The following take on the Aristocrats joke has been made using sections of the bible. Instructions commanded by God. True, the language has been brought up to date, but the spirit is as true (ha!) as it was when it was laid out in the Bible.

So, if you find it offensive, what ever you do, DO NOT READ THE BIBLE. It’s full of this depravity.

Oh yeah, they teach the very same bible to children…

20130218-225228.jpg

A family walks into a talent agency. It’s a father, mother, son, daughter and three dogs. There are several talent agents and the father says to one of them, “We have a really amazing act. You should represent us.”

The agent says, “Sorry, We don’t represent family acts. They’re a little too cute.”

The mother says, “Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.”

The agent says, “OK. OK. We’ll take a look.”

The wife asks an office boy in from the corridor and asks him to lie down, where she covers him up and then nails his head to the ground with a tent peg. The father then calls in some workers from outside and offers his wife and daughter to them to rape and sodomise.

Whilst the workers are screwing his wife and daughter to death, the father takes his son and starts beating him against a rock until he is dead. The workers cut up his wife and daughter and leave.

The father steps over the bloody mess & finds a young maiden who he then rapes. He then asks her to marry him, but she refuses, so he takes her to her fathers house, and gathers then men of the village to stone her to death.

The man then attacks one of the other talent scouts and kills him, taking his girlfriend who was their with him. He forces her to strip, shave her head, and then he screws her, but she’s not that into it, so he lets her go… but as she leaves some people from the next door office come into the talent agents office saying that they can’t believe what’s going on. The father then charges into their office, piles all of there belongings up & sets fire to it, along with those that didn’t believe.

Then some work experience boys see the mess in the agency office & start screaming at the father; ‘YOU FREAK! YOU BALD LUNATIC!!!’ at which two she-bears charge into the room and rip the young lads to a bloody death.

One of he talent agents says he can see this will get out of hand, so the father screams at him; ‘SORCERER! VIEWER OF FUTURE EVENTS!!!’ and strikes him to the floor, bombarding him with stones until dead. It’s now that a second son turns up screaming at his father for the crap he is pulling, but the father soon quietens the boy down by breaking his face open with a large rock for talking badly at him.

A cleaning lady sees this all happening and exclaims; ‘JESUS CHRIST! IN GODS NAME YOU CAN’T EXPECT ME TO CLEAR THIS HOLY MESS UP?!?’ So the man turns to her and clubs her to death with a chair for blaspheming.

To finish off, the man goes to the office water fountain & wrenches it from the wall, flooding the room. One of the dogs drown, but the other two – a male and a female – escape on a floating office desk.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages; “That’s a hell of an act. What do you call it?”

And the father says, “The Christians!”

20130218-225110.jpg

A few people have asked for references to the chapters used. A quick reference you can use is HERE. Then you can do what I did & checked that they were right, by going to the Bible itself.

That’s pretty much the lazy way the joke was written. I read those ‘Evil Bible‘ sections, then confirmed them against the Bible, then made up a section of the joke. I modernised the language to suit the current era and inserted a few plot links to join one section to another, but the acts themselves are lifted straight from the bible.

I could save you time & list them chapter & verse, but I figure you should go and read it to see what a cluster-fuck of ass-hattery the whole book & religion is. Take your own word for it, then spread it first hand.

Thanks for all the support it has been given though! Much appreciated folks.

———————————————————-

GOD & SON
on
FACEBOOK & TWITTER

Facebook twitter-logo-follow

7 Comments »

The Aristochrist

There are people who know of The Aristocrats joke, and there are those they say they don’t, but probably do, although don’t like to admit it.

Tomorrow I will be posting God & Sons own take on the Aristocrats joke.

It should be perfectly safe for children though, because it’s entirely biblical based.

20130218-190332.jpg

———————————————————-

GOD & SON
on
FACEBOOK & TWITTER

Facebook twitter-logo-follow

Leave a comment »

Pray your leg back!

Yes, this was on a TV show, and a TV show that takes the issues seriously…

If prayer really worked, then all of those people who pray to God so he can help me see the error of my atheist ways and to save me from eternal damnation….well… I can only assume they aren’t praying correctly, because it’s not working…

If prayer can’t do that simple task, then best of luck trying to pray a leg back on to a stump… And yes, I mean a real leg, regrown like a lizards tail… That’s what the holy dude said…

20130106-224605.jpg

2 Comments »

Theirs Always One

The trouble is, I don’t have a proof reader…
… I have a belief reader!

20130107-171707.jpg

I think I got out of that won without two many people noticing…

Dedicated to Daedalus! May your wings stay sound and your wax subtle.

4 Comments »

Proof of Belief is not Belief of Proof

Belief and proof… Seemingly simple words, but certain people get the two a bit muddled up…

20130106-224031.jpg

You wouldn’t believe me if you knew the things I manage to believe on a daily basis.

3 Comments »

%d bloggers like this: